Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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