Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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