i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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