She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
