i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
