I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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