He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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