That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
