Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
