Will you blow on my dice?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
