R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ketchup is God's man juice
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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