I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
