shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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