Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
