1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Randomize
