it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize