so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
