everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Send help, water and tortillas.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
