WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
