Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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