You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
