I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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