happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
