We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize