I just saw a hot homeless man
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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