Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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