ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
