If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
