I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
