wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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