we made out on top of his cat.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
