Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize