you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i will never coherently bang her
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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