i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't deserve a penis
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
