I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
