Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
