This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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