There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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