the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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