I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize