It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
