dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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