So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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