you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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