dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize