I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
