some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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