I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
