I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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