mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
