She's JV to your varsity
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
