haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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