I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
