And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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