so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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