It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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