piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it was like eating out sand paper
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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