Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You are a genius and a whore.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
