just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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