Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
