I don't remember. Are we still dating?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
