I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize