I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
