I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
