im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize