dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
