it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
