What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
zippers are such a cool invention
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
