my phone needs a breathalizer
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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