He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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