Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
