Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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