Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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