There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i barfeds in our rink
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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