A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
