so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
