So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize