This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
