i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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