Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
