I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
