Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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