It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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