I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize