I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
