Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
