Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
