ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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