No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
