I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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