No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
