when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
