I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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