Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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