The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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