Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
