OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
