I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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