Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
